Madonna

Remember when you would race home just to masturbate to the latest Madonna video? Well, say goodbye to those carefree days of youth. They’ve been replaced by a 48 yr. old tranny gyrating around in purple leotards that ride up her bum. I made the mistake of watching her video last night and my testicles still ask if it’s okay to come out and play. No boing for you!

“Pop superstar Madonna has reportedly turned down GBP2 million [US$3.6 million] to promote a new diet and sex pill.

The Material Girl declined an offer put to her by a UK firm to advertise the Slimnsexy tablet, which it is claimed aids weight loss while increasing libido.”

Wha-wha-what?? The newsworthy part isn’t that Madonna turned this down. We know Madonna wouldn’t ever tarnish her hard-earned reputation. You know, the one that was built on simulated onstage masturbation, naked appearances in an “art” book and doubling as a halfway house for wayward penises…

No, it’s that there’s a pill that lets me walk around with a 24 hr. erection AND helps me lose weight. At the same time. Together. There’s no joke here people. This is the holy grail.

Related