Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Wondering why you haven’t seen any pictures of Tom Cruise’s daughter Suri? No? Too bad because I’m gonna tell you anyway. No one wanted to pay any money for her. Well, they threw up a figure of $3 million, but as you all know, $3 million is a slap in the face to any parent.

An auction was conducted, with People, Us Weekly, Star and the lesser names like In Touch all putting in their two cents. Unfortunately, it must have felt like two cents to Cruise given the amount that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt fetched from People: $4 million, not to mention more from magazines around the world.

Tom and Katie shouldn’t take this too hard since it’s pretty tough to compete with the second coming of Christ. Not that Suri isn’t important, it’s just that Shiloh is more important. Oh, and also because Tom Cruise is nuts.