Pamela Anderson

Pam Anderson isn’t just a Playboy model. She’s also not just a girl with a disfiguring boob job who gets naked in front of her kids every chance she gets. If you look past the stripper pole she has in her bedroom where she entertains guests after a hard night of partying, you will see she’s also a soccer mom.

“I go to every game!” says the 39-year-old actress, discussing her young sons’ sports schedules in an interview in the August issue of House & Garden magazine.

This would explain the rising popularity of children’s soccer in the area and the sudden increase in attendance of sexually frustrated soccer dads. This would definitely explain the sticky substance on the bleachers. Who says I’m not as smart as Columbo?