Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton is still hyping her album to make it seem like the greatest music since I don’t know what because I can’t find another singer to compare “legs wide open” Paris to. She says people go crazy when she plays her album and she doesn’t tell them who it is because she doesn’t want people making ringtones off her songs.

Of her album, she says, “I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it’s so good.”

Well I, like, cry when I read a Paris Hilton story and I, like, cry when I dice onions. I also, like, cry during sex. But, like, it’s more a quiet sobbing, so, like, the girl doesn’t really hear it. Like, you know. You know?

In other Paris Hilton news, her bed is going up for auction. I can’t understand why anyone would want to buy a thousand scabies and crabs, but the semen encrusted mattress? Now that’s a different story.