Charlie Sheen is paid well?

In really bizarre news, Charlie Sheen of Two and a Half Men is close to finalizing a salary deal that would make him the highest paid comedy star in television today. Sheen will make $350,000 per episode from CBS which is an increase over his low six figure deal.

I’ve never seen one episode of this in the four years it’s been on. One has to wonder why they would agree to this deal. Is CBS floundering so badly that they’ll pay top dollar for the star of some mediocre sitcom? Congratulations to Charlie Sheen though. He’ll need this money to fund his predilection for barely legal pigtail wearing porn and regular line of hookers. Contrary to popular belief, you can’t keep them quiet by knocking them unconscious and throwing them in a lake anymore because sooner or later there will be a shortage of quality hookers. So what do you do? You pay until your wife divorces you and takes the kids. Whoops. Too late.