Kirsten Dunst makes me vomit

In a recent interview, Kirsten Dunst dishes out some insight as to why she and Jake Gyllenhal could not last. You see, she had too much freak in her and Jake just couldn’t handle it. I’ll let her do the talking while I attempt to stop my penis from retracting for good.

“We tried to spice things up � we had sex in cars, in the bathroom and even by the sea. The only place we didn’t have the guts to try was in a walkway in a hotel because we thought we might get kicked out if we were caught.”

“Maybe I’m a weird girl and I just needed a good freak to match me.”

I’m not sure who to make fun of. Jake may be flippantly fruity, but I can’t fault him for this. If I ever saw an as of yet unidentified mammal hurtling towards me for sex, I’d also pretend to be gay. The only difference being I would have stopped by now. And Jesus. Considering a hotel walkway? Have some decency. Had I wanted to stumble across two baboons going at it, I would have just gone to the zoo.