Buy Paris Hilton for only $100,000

Paris is whoring herself out to anybody in Miami, New York or Los Angeles with $100,000 to spend. She’ll throw a party in your honor on New Years Eve and teach you the ways of a socialite. The catch is you have to pay for all expenses and a private jet.

Yes, you too can feel like a useless socialite on New Years Eve. The party comes complete with fame whore friends and sluts who want to sleep with you because they think you’re rich.

But wait. There’s another option. For $50,000 you can buy Carmen Electra. Much cheaper rate, much hotter girl. Capitalism is awesome. You might also have a chance at sleeping with her now that she’s single. I mean, this girl used to take her clothes off for money right?