George Clooney

Tired of all those paparazzi snapping pictures of him and his dates, Clooney has devised a diabolical plan to foil would be star catchers. To deceive tabloids he wants to spend every night for 3 months with a different actress. For instance, Salma Hayek one night, Halle Berry the next and maybe walking on the beach holding hands with Leonardo DiCaprio another night. He follows that up by doling out compliments to fellow actors like Clive Owen.

“He’s, like, a man … there’s a sexuality and a masculinity that I think is really interesting.”

Right. That’s not odd at all and that plan makes perfect sense. The only thing that “plan” does is let George sleep with a different actress each night by reassuring them no one will think they’ve slept together because of this one statement. It’s true. George Clooney is as smart as he is handsome. Sigh.