Keith Richards

Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones is embarrassed about the time he cracked his head after he fell out of a palm tree. The incident happened in New Zealand and required Keith to have emergency head surgery postponing his summer tour of Europe. The rumor was a drunk Keith was trying to gather coconuts and fell. Now he wants to set the record straight.

“It’s embarrassing, really,” Richards, 62, says in the upcoming issue of Rolling Stone magazine. “I was sitting on this gnarled shrub about six feet off the ground. I was wet…I’d been swimming. I hit the ground the wrong way, my head hit the trunk, and that was that.”

He must have hit his head hard if it took him this long to come up with a semi-plausible story. Why was he exactly sitting on a six foot shrub? I’ll tell you why. Because he’s a filthy drunken liar, that’s why and if anyone says different, they’re also filthy liars. Jesus, Keith Richards looks like he’s already been embalmed and ready for burial.