Kevin Federline needs assistance

The buzz around Kevin Federline does not extend to his new album. If there was a caste system for albums, K-Fed’s would be below untouchable. Britney Spears has taken it upon herself to not just create a new label for him, but to be his entire marketing team. She is sponsoring a contest for “fans” whereby whoever sells the most copies of Kevin’s new album get a prize. The winner

gets to party with Spears and K-Fed on Halloween during the CD release party. Second prize is the pair of sneakers that K-Fed wore on the Teen Choice Awards, third place gets a $200 gift certificate, and 10 lucky runners-up get a replica of a medallion that K-Fed wears almost every day

I get to party with K-Fed!?! Well hot damn, let me just get started on this right away. At least I know if I don’t win, there’s always the possibility of me winning a pair of used sneakers or, oh my god, a replica of K-Fed’s medallion! Is it made of chocolate? Because I’ve never eaten a piece of s**t before and the homeless guy down the street makes it seem so tasty.