Pamela Anderson

The National Enquirer is reporting O.J. Simpson has been paid $3.5 million for a hypothetical book detailing his relationship with Nicole and the murder of her and Goldman in great detail.

In the book, “he describes how he grabbed a knife from a man who accompanied him to Nicole’s home — and moments later found himself covered in blood and looking down on the bodies of Nicole and Ron,” said the source.

But O.J. insists the murder part is just hypothetical. Like me claiming I’m going to hire someone to punch Paris Hilton in the face with a toaster at 2:30 pm this afternoon. That’s if I were to do it, but I don’t have that kind of money right now. In any case, I’ll just buy the book and give O.J. my money. Hypothetically.

I didn’t have the patience to find a picture of O.J. so I put up Pamela Anderson. In their own way, they’re both kind of whorish.