Paris Hilton

What we feared could happen has happened. Lindsay Lohan has befriended Paris Hilton. The two were seen at Michelle Trachtenberg’ 21st birthday party whispering to each other and signing autographs. Later, they both retired for the night to the Sky Villa at the Palms.

It’s said that together, Paris and Lindsay form a space so vacuous that merely standing next to them one may feel a pull stronger than that of a black hole. Do not be deceived, you are not on the receiving end of a tug job, you are about to die. Abort soldier. ABORT!