Steven Seagal

While at a Eurasia film festival, Steven Seagal was accompanied by a slew of bodyguards who at one party formed a ring so fans couldn’t take his picture. Then at a ceremony he arrived in a motorcade of black cars who’s honking drowned out a talk by the studio chief.

Every time you hear something about Steven Seagal, you know nothing good will come of it. This man is a walking joke and the best part is he doesn’t even know it. That way when he asks why people are laughing at him, they can just say they’re laughing with him and he’ll start laughing too. Then when he walks away someone will tape a “kick me” sign on his back, call him a douche bag and everyone will be happy to know that he’s just going to go cry in a closet. Steven, obscurity called. They want you back.