Britney Spears made a “surprise” guest appearance on David Letterman last night to show off her slimmed body which was a vast improvement, but not yet what she had in her glory days. She cleverly wore black and piled on the makeup to accentuate her transformation. But I’m on to your tricks Brit. You don’t become a lady killer like me without picking up a few things.

She also reminded everyone why she’ll never achieve that coveted Oscar. Give me excitement, give me fear, give me hatred. Sigh Britney, why do all those look like dumb blond? Please stop sucking your toes. I don’t care if you accidentally stepped in a pile of Cheetos.