Kevin Federline goes for gold

Last night was Kevin’s free concert in Chicago. According to People, it was awesome. Like the second coming or something.

Playing the role of a rap Casanova, he leaned into the crowd to touch the hands of women who were reaching onstage. Around his fourth or fifth song, he made his only reference of the night to his breakup with Britney Spears. “Hey, I see a lot of fine ladies in here,” said the rapper. “You know I’m a free man, right, ladies? You wanna dance with a pimp?” Later on he added, “That’s a sexy-ass lady right there,” pointing into the crowd.

Federline kept his spirits up throughout the performance, but late in the 45-minute set, a fellow rapper told the crowd, “It ain’t been easy, it’s been a grind, but he’s here.”

And Federline addressed the “haters” from the stage, as a few audience members seemed to be heckling him. But that didn’t stop him from getting his newly single status across yet again: “All my ladies,” he told the women in the house, “I love you to death!”

That first line makes no sense. If these women weren’t mocking him or paid, I want them rounded up and put in concentration camps. But that Kevin, he’s such a comedian. “You wanna dance with a pimp?” Ten monkeys sitting at typewriters couldn’t come up with a line more retarded.

In related news, K-Fed has sued for sole custody of his children, the ones he had with Britney in order to “protect” them. Not surprisingly, he’s also requesting spousal support because that’s what leeches do. Hey Mr. Magnanimous, what about your other two children? The ones that aren’t worth millions. It’s amazing no one’s awarded Kevin for his selflessness. If anyone deserves it, it’s him.