Kevin Federline

K-Fed decided to go through with his New York show at Webster Hall despite having ticket sales so low, it would make Richard Simmons laugh. Kevin had to beg people not to cancel his show and in the end only about 300 people showed in a club that holds 1,500. Not only that, he delayed the show for 3 hours in hopes that more people would come. Those 1,200 other people missed out because K-Fed gave everyone a rollicking good time.

Federline’s performance has been described as “mercifully short.” Britney Spears’s hubby only rapped for about half an hour and, reports one eyewitness, “seemed really confused about how to act on stage. He would pace from one side of the stage to the other, just saying things like, ‘Hey’ thirty times in a row or ‘New York, thank you for coming go buy my CD.’ “

Jesus turned water into wine. Noah built an ark. Moses parted the Red Sea. The Virgin Mary had an immaculate conception. If you asked any of these people if it will ever be possible for Kevin to play to a sell-out crowd, they would snicker and say, “Maybe if he played in our outhouse! Heyooo.” Then they would high five each other while you rolled your eyes and backed away slowly.