Lindsay Lohan

It…just…doesn’t…stop. When girls wear their sexy Halloween costumes, I usually go, “that’s neat, do you know what a liquid explosion in your mouth feels like? No, no. I’m talking about the Starburst candy. And semen. Mostly the semen since this candy doesn’t explode. It mostly dribbles.”

If I ran into Lindsay Lohan on Halloween, I’d be too scared to use that line because she’ll probably want to have sex with me, but then I wouldn’t be too sure if she charged by the minute or hourly. If it was the latter, I’d have to do the math for the two minutes I spent punching her in the head and I hate doing math. Anyway, Lindsay Lohan looks like a professional slut.

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