Ever since arriving in New York, Madonna has ordered her chauffeurs to lose the paparazzi. As a result, her drivers have been speeding through the streets, flashing fake police sirens and running red lights to prevent any paparazzi from following. Abel, one of her drivers, says:

“She enjoys this,” he added. “She likes it when we do bad things.”

I can imagine Madonna tenting her fingers like Mr. Burns and going “Exxxxcccellent” after she orders her driver to lose the paparazzi. Some days she probably says, “Abel, today I want you to hit a pedestrian. Can you do that for me Abel?” And because Madonna seems like some sort of god in New York, what would happen is the police would arrive at the scene, look at the poor kid laying on the ground with two broken femurs and assure her that they’re not going to press charges since “it was only a minority.”