Tom and Katie get it over with

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were finally married over the weekend in a Scientology ceremony among 150 guests. Amid speculation of the marriage not being legal, news came that they made it official in Los Angeles before arriving in Italy. Guests at the wedding had to verbally split up the couple when they engaged in what some describe as a “never-ending” kiss (don’t sell it too much Tom). I’m gonna skip over what they wore and what rings they exchanged and go straight to the part nearest and dearest to me. The cake. According to People magazine, it was five-tiered white chocolate, decorated with marzipan roses, and studded with white chocolate chips. And just to show you how heinously rich Cruise is, the entertainment was Andrea Bocelli.

However, despite their fairytale wedding, the towns-people are reportedly disappointed. Fans and paparazzi whined that the only thing they got to see was a bunch of tinted Mercedes going to the castle and some silhouettes through the windows. Had they looked down, they might have noticed the elvish creature sauntering about was in fact Tom Cruise without his risers. The couple left Sunday for their honeymoon in Maldives.

If you notice in the picture above, Tom Cruise (5’7”) is actually taller than Katie Holmes (5’9”). How’s it feel to wear heels, oh excuse me, risers you rich lucky bastard?