Tom Cruise

In celebration of being announced head of United Artists, Tom Cruise took Katie Holmes to eat at Mastro’s Steakhouse. He reportedly spent 10 grand to secure a private room usually reserved for parties with 15 or more people. You know, because normal people can’t bathe in the light of superstars like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. They might turn to dust.

This is what I’m thinking of doing when I become a celeb hounded by paparazzi. I’m just going to walk around in a big tinted hamster ball so no one will see me or bother me. I’ll have two finely crafted holes for my fists of justice so if anyone annoys me, I can roll up to them and punch them in the face. Kind of weird, but 100% effective.

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