Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan’s publicist is coming to her defense after the world criticized her ode to Robert Altman. Her spokesman Leslie Sloane felt it wasn’t very nice to mock this poor young girl who wrote this quickly on her Blackberry.

Lohan titled her November 21 e-mail “Dead is hard, Life is much easier,” a quote she attributes to actor Jack Nicholson.

Man, what a great title. I can’t stop saying it. Dead is hard, Life is much easier. I have my suspicions that if Jack ever uttered those words he was on acid. But leave it up to Lohan to actually use it. You could ask a baby to make a better title. Goo goo ga ga punctuated with spittle is more intelligent than anything she wrote in that letter.

It gets even better. Page Six writes about Lohan’s drunken night at the GQ Man of the Year Awards. Despite reports she’s going to AA, Lohan drank champagne at the event and “flipped out” after seeing Jessica Biel with her old assistant. Lohan screamed,

“If she stays, I’m outta here! I can’t look at that girl! I can’t believe you would allow an assistant in here – she doesn’t belong in here!”

Jessica and everyone else ignored her. Will Ferrell of all people said to DiCaprio, Gore and Affleck: “Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?” Most of his movies are about as funny as a crushed penis, but I’m starting to like him. Lindsay’s day ended with her unsuccessfully flirting with DiCaprio and “necking” (1950?) with Johnny Knoxville before Harry Morton, Lindsay’s ex, picked them up.

It’s only a matter of time before the cops find her passed out in a hotel room from coke and booze after being gang banged by a 30 mile train of men. Her publicist will issue a statement saying “That’s a Tuesday night for ya” and then a laugh track will roll while everyone claps and whistles. Here she is at GQ’s Man of the Year.

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