Britney Spears

Last week, Britney Spears was partying at Le Deux where a witness described her as “drunk off her ass.”

“She couldn’t walk straight, she couldn’t stand up straight. She was completely gone.”

At about 2 AM she yakked all over the floor. I’m not sure why people are interested, but the vomit was thought to be composed of delicious sushi and sake. Brit’s people forced her to eat some pasta before they whisked her away in her SUV. Luckily, all the paparazzi left before she came out.

I’d like to nominate Britney for Mother of the Year. I faintly recall she has two kids. I suppose they’re dead by now. Not physically, but emotionally. If you put a passed out Britney next to a sack of potatoes and asked the kids to find mommy, they’d start to point at Britney, but then one of the potatoes would shift and their eyes would brighten as they furiously pointed at the sack and started grunting.