George Clooney

This is the biggest news item of the day. George Clooney’s 300lb pot bellied pig Max died at 19. Cold hearted George was out promoting The Good Germans when his best friend died of natural causes. George sounded alright.

I’m good. I just got home this morning, or this afternoon, so it’s strange not having him sitting on the carpet in the house, but, you know…sad, actually.

Farwell Max. George will miss you and he’ll reminisce over all those times he played grab ass with you. You were the most faithful friend George ever had. Not like that backstabber Brad Pitt. Off cavorting around the world with Angelina Jolie. For shame. But with this sad loss we must remember that in times of hardship there is always a silver lining. George. You like bacon right?