Jessica Simpson

Yesterday Jessica Simpson performed Nine to Five at the Kennedy Center Honors as a tribute to Dolly Parton. She managed to forget the words and ended her performance saying “so nervous.” She quickly left while the audience sat stunned and didn’t even applaud. When she and other singers returned, Jessica appeared to be crying. The show will be broadcast on Dec. 26 on CBS.

I hope they leave that part in. I mean, this is bad for Jessica’s career and she may end up being ridiculed for the only thing she’s good at, but let’s look on the bright side. Think of how vulnerable she’ll be. By the time everyone’s through with her any bum off the street can pat her on the back, tell her everything is going to be alright and be her hero. That’s where I come in. Once I’m done with the obligatory comforting and show her how much of an animal I am in bed, I’ll be so in. After that my rapping career will really take off.