Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan is an imbecile. She’s now bragging about being sober for a week.

“I haven’t had a drink in seven days. Or anything. I’m not even legal to, so why would I?” Lohan, 20, told PEOPLE. “I don’t drink when I go to clubs. I drink with my friends at home, but there’s no need to. I feel better not drinking. It’s more fun. I have Red Bull.”

But, she added, “I didn’t feel bad before. I never felt bad. I just wanted to, like, find a balance. I was out too much. I was too caught up. I mean, I’m 20 years old. I was off from work, I was getting ready to start a film, and I was like going out just to get it out of my system. I was going out too much and I knew that, and I have more to live for than that.”

She’s 20 years old and is served alcohol at clubs. No one cares because she’s a celebrity. Now she’s proud she hasn’t touched alcohol in a week replacing it with the mighty Red Bull. Gosh. All the other alcoholics must look up to her. How did you do it Lindsay? Tell me your magical secrets of sobriety. This girl is such a mess. Her brain is beyond salvation.