Paris Hilton

The most disturbing news item of the day is about Paris Hilton. After partying with Britney for so long, Paris now wants to have kids.

“It’s been my dream to have four babies by 30,” the 25-year-old heiress announced, reports Life & Style Weekly. And Hilton thinks she’s highly qualified for motherhood, explaining: “I look after animals, so I’d have a lot to give my kids.”

Nothing about this makes sense. Four babies?! These aren’t like pet ferrets where you just feed them and put them back in their cage. These baby things have diapers to change too. I doubt Paris is ready for that. And Britney hasn’t been a shining example of the perfect mother. Ever since her divorce, there have been a grip of pictures of her flashing her ass, panties and vagina. Then there was that one odd picture with her and her kid.

I fear for these kids. I really do. By the time they’re 16 they would have gone pro in pole dancing. When 18 comes, they’ll know exactly when, where and how to flash their cooch. They won’t be retarded, but they’ll be highly dysfunctional. If you took these kids camping, they’d try to plug a hairdryer into a tree and 5 minutes later the cord would be wrapped around their necks. The little ones will be pretty pissed once they find out it was fruitless because you can’t cook meat with it.