All Scarlett Johansson needs is pudding

Scarlett Johansson and Ben Stiller will be this year’s recipients of the Hasty Pudding awards. The awards are only given to those who have made a “lasting and impressive contribution to the world of entertainment.” (Scarlett’s breasts and Stiller’s…perseverance.) Johansson’s award will be given February 15 where she will lead a parade through Cambridge before receiving the “Pudding Pot” at her roast. She will be ogled by many and probably be hand fed grapes while lying down on a golden bed.

Stiller will receive his award eight days later on February 23. He will neither lead a parade nor have a roast. He will enter from the back, quietly find his much less impressive “Pudding Snack” award sitting on a table and proceed to scour the cafeteria for a spoon. Sadly, campus security will throw him out because of their no vagrant policy.