Ivanka Trump

Donald Trump’s Apprentice is failing and there’s nothing he can do to revive it. Ratings for the show have dropped steadily from season to season and despite all the publicity he’s getting from his Rosie O’Donnell feud, no one cares about his show. He even replaced his two boardroom members with a pair of breasts and still nothing. Today was the perfect day for Donald to get some more publicity because of that Barbara-Rosie thing so he wrote a pay-attention-to-me letter.

Dear Rosie,

I hope you had a wonderful vacation with your wife — you needed the rest.
An article in today’s New York Post, indicates that you blew up at BARBARA WALTERS for being a ‘liar.’ Actually, I don’t blame you, but in fact she lied to both of us! After your maniacal and foolish rant against me two weeks ago, Barbara called me from her vacation (I did not call her) in order to apologize for your behavior. She had heard that I was going to retaliate against you and tried to talk me out of it. She very much wanted me to go on the show as soon as she got back so that she could ‘patch things up’ (I said no). To be exact, she said that ‘working with her is like living in hell’ and, more pointedly, ‘Donald never get into the mud with pigs’ and, ‘don’t worry, she won’t be here for long.’ Barbara knows exactly what she told me over the phone and she has to live with it. Perhaps that’s why her initial statement was so mild!
In another incident, when I saw her eating at Le Cirque about two months ago and asked how ‘Rosie was doing,’ ‘she sarcastically rolled her eyes and said ‘Donald, do you have to ruin my meal.’

In any event, you have a good reason to be angry. Please give my warmest regards to Kelly!

Sincerely, Donald J. Trump

I was surprised that you let your spat with Barbara get into the newspapers, but, as I have always said and as you proved with Rosie, the magazine, you are very self destructive. You must work on this for your own good!

Donald is on crack. He’s probably the most condescending man I’ve ever seen. No wonder his daughter supposedly got a boob job. I bet he used to call her mosquito bites “unworthy” and “nothing compared to your mother’s.” That kind of talk can take its toll on any ten-year-old.