It isn’t working

Teri Hatcher’s latest attempt to beautify the leathery chaps she calls her skin involves bathing in wine instead of drinking it. She claims it keeps her skin feeling soft.

According to scientists, wait not scientists, no, “beauty experts”, grapes contain powerful anti-oxidants. Apparently not powerful enough since her skin is about as soft as a cow’s ass. You didn’t hear this from me, but Teri Hatcher was once on safari and a guy accidentally shot her with a tranq dart in the face. It bounced right off and ricocheted into his neck. I’ll always have nightmares about that day.