Jessica Alba could be engaged

Jessica Alba is dating Cash Warren, the first assistant director on the next Fantastic Four movie. Rumors are out that Jessica Alba is engaged to Cash after being spotted in Miami with a ring on her finger.

One time I dreamt about being crushed under the weight of Rosie O’Donnell’s naked body. Jessica Alba being engaged is worse than that dream. I see only two options. A) Charm Jessica Alba into being with me by way of wit and laughter or B) Cut off Cash Warren’s face and wear it as a mask. I kind of like B, but all I have is this butter knife.

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