Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer arrived at the Hudson Hotel’s VIP room on New Years Eve and were blatantly making out. There has been confusion over whether John and Jessica are actually together which, according to these stories, was John’s plan all along. A source tells the New York Daily,

“John has been thrilled that they have been tricking the media, but she doesn’t really care. His Christmas present to her was a framed copy of the Us Weekly cover that says ‘Dumped: John ditches Jessica.'”

John’s missing the point of the relationship. Jessica wants to be spanked while wearing fuzzy handcuffs, but John is reveling in the fact he’s able to trick tabloids into thinking they’re not together. If I was Jessica Simpson, I might be a little offended. First, I’m no slut and second, that’s a shitty Christmas present. Although at the same time, if I were Jessica I would never leave the house because I’d have a giant rack and a full body mirror.