Justin Timberlake wants it to be officially known he dumped Cameron Diaz’s fug ass like you would dump an ugly baby on a doorstep. Oh sure, the statement said it was mutual, but it’s pretty much assumed Justin finally got a good look at her after he came off his prolonged acid trip.
We have, in fact, ended our romantic relationship, and have done so mutually and as friends, with continued love and respect for one another.
Now that it’s official I can rest easy because there was just something unnerving about the hunky Timberlake boinking the poster child for planned parenthood. Let’s face it, the only beauty pageant Cameron Diaz ever has a shot at is one where the winner is on a leash being paraded around in a circle by its owner.