Eva Longoria

Kevin Nealon welcomed his first child with wife Susan Yeagley Monday night. Children everywhere ask, “Who’s Kevin Nealon?”

Sharon Stone thinks Isaiah Washington going to bigotry rehab is absurd noting people won’t change the way they think. Respect rising. She compares being called a fag to being called a bitch. Respect falling. Sharon then proudly declared, “Please, I call all my gay friends ‘big fags.’ ” Crash and burn.

Ashley Jensen, the Scottish wardrobe girl from Ugly Betty, recently married in a forest. She describes it as a magical ceremony taking place in Big Sur where their dog acted as ring bearer. They left out the part about the fairies and the evil witch. Eight-year-olds can never tell a story right.

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are desperate to marry on 07-07-07. They think it’ll bring them good luck. Guests can only hope there’s no full moon that day because rumor has it people sometimes mistake Eva for the Wolfman.