Paris fired from own nightclub

Paris Hilton has been fired as the face of both Club Paris clubs. Owner Fred Khalilian named the clubs after Paris Hilton for reasons unbeknownst to anyone. Fred says it was due to her name was being so well known, but it’s probably because he was on acid. Trouble first began when Paris showed up six hours late for the grand opening. Fred explains,

“She’s created a circus for herself,” he said. “It’s all about: How has she screwed up now?”

Club Paris will now stand for the city and you can no longer say you’re going to Club Slut. It had such a nice ring. Hilton’s publicist claimed he had no idea this was happening and is disappointed with the decision. As am I.