Britney Spears

It was a night of debauchery for Britney Spears as she hit up two clubs in one night. According to one source, the newly single lady was “partying like a college girl looking to get laid.” The night started off with Britney ditching the Heatherette Fashion Show like former pal Paris Hilton. Then it was on to Rue 57 where Britney probably had her eighth meal of the day. Normal people call this dinner. She and her friends began the partying at Marquee where she demanded all alcohol be kept away from her. In spite of this, she was visibly drunk.

“She must have been drinking secretly in the bathroom,” said one. “Because she was falling all over the place. She was also chomping on lollipops from the bathroom all night. And she didn’t leave any money for the bathroom attendant.”

Anyway, Britney then went to Tenjune where she was completely wasted making the same demand of keeping alcohol away from her. She would later be seen with what looked like vodka and o.j. Then instead of relenting to the charms of an apparent stalker,

“…a model guy came to her table and she started making out with him.”

Yea yea, Britney is a chubby whore, but I want to focus on something more important. Who honestly tips the bathroom attendant? I put soap on my own god damn hand and find my own paper towels to dry myself with. They want to be tipped for standing around the urinals like a perv? Seriously, what idiot thought it would be a good idea to have one guy watch another guy pee?