Britney Spears

After having just broken up with Britney Spears, Isaac Cohen revealed to News of the World (just go with it) almost everything about his time with Britney. He details his sex with Britney in a revolving bed where they stared at themselves in the mirrored ceiling. In Britney’s own bed, she loved all night sex while her wedding dress hung in a glass box on the outside wall. Britney would also constantly ask Isaac if she was fat and resort to jumping around the room attempting to lose calories.

“She would lie like a limp rag doll in my arms and and say, ‘Why can’t everyone leave me alone?’ and, ‘What have I done to deserve this?'”

“As we made love that night it was like Kevin was in bed beside us. She had not even begun to move on with her life.”

This all sounds pretty creepy. Britney probably has Kevin Federline masks made of real skin and makes her dog wear one so she can talk to it and cry. Isaac Cohen also said Britney has a nice body. What’s going on here? Maybe he’s talking about a different Britney Spears. One that doesn’t conjure up images of a beached whale while lying in bed. I bet if you showed him a picture of Britney and told him that’s who he’s talking about he’d go, “What?! No!! Dear God no!” and pour bleach in his eyes.