Brody Jenner

Brody Jenner didn’t want to be just another nobody which is why a plan was devised to exaggerate his fame. He wanted to be the chosen one. The one to make Nicole Richie eat again. The scheme was formulated in early August by his agent, Spencer Pratt. Pratt suggested,

“Here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you’re gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right? You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat. Process that sh–, bro. You’ll be, like, a f—ing hero to America.”

Not content to just use Nicole Richie, Jenner wanted anyone in front of a camera. He goes on to say,

“Basically,” says Jenner, 23, “I made it, like, my mission to try to go on a date with every girl on The Hills.”

Also included in his plan was Lindsay Lohan who he would later meet at club Hyde. Oh, but he’s above all this Hollywood B.S.

“This whole scene, this whole town — it’s so fake,” he says. “It’s like a movie set, like my life is a movie set. These people, they all think it’s real, but it’s not.”

Suffice it to say, Brody’s fed up with L.A. and wants a real girl. A nice normal girl. Coincidentally, that’s the basis for his MTV reality show.

“Actually, you know, that’s gonna be a component of our new MTV show — me leaving L.A. to meet a normal girl. It might be hard, though, with all the cameras.”

Ladies, don’t let this one get away. I know a catch when I see one and this Jenner guy is the white whale. Sure, he probably has innumerable stds, but that’s what modern science is for. You’re overlooking his finer qualities. Just imagine, you’ll be dating a man in the dictionary. His picture is right next to the word “douchebag.”