Paris Hilton's life keeps getting better

In probably the most wonderful news of the day, Brandon Davis made Paris Hilton cry at her own birthday party Saturday night. Rick and Kathy Hilton, her parents, spent a boatload of money for Paris’ party at Prime Grill. The flowers alone cost $10,000, but in the end there was no salvaging it from the greasy hero.

But around 10 p.m., Davis started acting up. “He was hurling flowers at Paula Abdul,” says a guest. “Then he began bombing her with Styrofoam flower-holders. He was shouting, ‘Lick my [BLEEP], Paula!’ He started mocking her ancestry by speaking gibberish in an Arabic accent.

“Stavros and Paris tried to stop him. Paris said, ‘Shut up, you’re wasted!'” But it was too late. Abdul, who was due to sing “Happy Birthday,” made an early exit.

Davis then turned his dim beams on Love. “He lifted her up so that she was straddling his waist,” says a witness. “Her Chanel dress was riding up. Brandon was saying, ‘I want to squirt on you.’ He was humping Courtney in front of her daughter, Frances Bean. When he put her down, Courtney grabbed Frances and they marched out of the restaurant through the kitchen.”

It didn’t stop there. “He was knocking over glasses and candles on the table,” says a source. “Paris was crying to her mother, ‘This is not my fault!'”

I’m just gonna call this guy Bacon Davis. I’m too lazy to keep typing fat and greasy in front of his name. Besides the begrudging applause I’m giving him, I want to know why Courtney Love wasn’t tearing through his pants after that pick-up line. Was it the delivery? Not sincere enough?