Vanessa Minnilo

Over the past few days, the crack team of TMZ have kept us up to date about a lover’s quarrel between Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnilo. On Thursday in NYC’s Plumm nightclub during an impromptu performance by Joey McIntyre, a Jessica Simpson look-a-like was seen sitting on Nick’s lap. Not squatting like you would over a public toilet. Sitting! As she left, she gestured for Nick to call her. Well, Vanessa caught what happened and told Nick “we have to talk” before running outside. (Women make a lot of sense.) A few more words were exchanged until they finally left in a cab together.

We’ve all been there so you know how the rest of the story goes. Once they got home, they had angry make-up sex. It involved biting, hair pulling, handcuffs, whips, a whiffle ball bat and an octopus. Incidentally, that’s the only thing that separates us from celebrities. The expensive octopus.