Britney Spears

Kevin Federline is a mad genius. He and his lawyer have called an emergency meeting and will appear today before a family law court commissioner.

“Our best information is he will be here; she won’t,” Parachini told The Associated Press. “But anything is possible.”

It is unknown what K-Fed will ask the court, but the majority believe it will relate to the spousal support and the sole custody he requested. The hearing comes after a bizarre week where Britney shocked the world by shaving off all her hair and never making it through a full day in two separate rehab centers.

K-Fed’s gonna win this one right? There’s no way he could lose. He could bring his two kids to court and wrap a boa constrictor around their necks while he shook them like bobble heads and he’d still receive a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug from the commissioner.

Meanwhile, The National Enquirer have unconfirmed reports Britney twice attempted suicide after shaving her head. The first time, she tried to walk into oncoming traffic before being rescued by her staff. The second time, Britney tried overdosing on Xanax. My God, Britney’s really going toe-to-toe with Anna Nicole Smith. Now one question remains. Who will win in this battle of wills and ego? Anna has the edge because she’s already dead and pulling this stuff off from the grave is damn impressive.

Note: What the hell is this. Stupid posts keep on turning private.