Angelina James

There’s this long article in the Daily Mail where Angelina Jolie’s brother, James Haven, talks about the trials and tribulations he and his sister faced while growing up under their caring mom and their cold-hearted dad. He won’t give specific details on why they hate their father, Jon Voight, so much. James only says it is based on how Jon treated his mother and that Jon would never pay child support despite making much money off of Midnight Cowboy. You start feeling a little sorry for them until James gives a little example of what their cruel father did to him.

“One of the saddest things in my life happened when I was 16, which is when you can get your permit to drive in LA. I did not have a car in High School and neither did Angelina. Try to imagine. You go to Beverly Hills High, one of the wealthiest High Schools in the nation. Even the cheapest car that anyone has is brand new. All my friends are well off. I have a movie-star father and no car. It was debilitating. I did not to go to the prom [the social highlight of an American high school career] because I felt uncomfortable that Dad would have to drive me. It’s an embarrassing thing.”

That bastard father didn’t buy him a car when he got his license? That’s criminal. Jon Voight should be put in jail for what he’s done. In fact, jail is too good for him. He should be made to drive around in a used Volvo or something despicable like that. James then gets a little creepy talking about her sister.

“Maybe I haven’t found the right woman because my sister is too picky for me. Any woman has to go through two filters, me and then my sister. I’m a perfectionist by nature. Then, because I’m so close to Angie it’s like I’ve already got the perfect woman in my life and it’s hard for anyone else to live up to that.”

I wouldn’t count a sister as the perfect woman. Yea, Angelina’s hot, but I wouldn’t get to play hide the salami with her. That’s part of a perfect woman right there. The other part is massaging my feet and cooking me dinner when she comes home from making me us money. That is, unless James has had sex with his sister. That would be weird. Do I applaud him or do I throw myself off a cliff because he’s had sex with her before I did?