Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan’s mom, Dina Lohan, gave a revealing interview for Harper’s Bazaar about using Lindsay as her meal ticket to quasi-fame. In it, Dina prides herself on being Lindsay’s friend rather than her mom. A friend that clubs with her and shares her clothes.

“If you can button it and clip it when you’re in your 40s, you’re going out,” she said as she put her hand in the air to solicit a high-five from the Harper’s reporter.

She sometimes even introduces herself as Lindsay’s personal assistant.

“I don’t want them to know I’m her mom. It’s a whole ‘nother demographic. People just go dark.”

Dina goes on to describe Paris Hilton and Britney Spears as lost, but living the American Dream and calling them the “Trumps of the little world.” Not only that, she is also a closet Paris worshiper.

“Paris is a really smart girl, and she’s come really far. Paris’ mom was wonderfully embracing to me. You know, you can’t blame parents for kids.”

The mother of the year concludes that the Lohan’s are just misunderstood people. And tells us not to blame Lindsay for her love of drugs as it’s all part of the business.

“Noooo! She is just a 20-year-old who had to reel it in. And she’s from an addictive personality genetically. And in that world, they give you things like candy. Hurt your ankle? ‘Let’s give her something.’ “

What a mother. If you were invited to dinner at the Lohan’s, the menu would consist of a couple lines of coke for the appetizer, Dina and Lindsay’s beef curtains for the entrée and a lovely semen frosted cake for desert. All the nutrients necessary for the healthy and active up and comers.