Goldie Hawn

One of the reasons Hollywood is such a disturbing place to live in is the old people. Specifically old actresses who think they “still got it.” A perfect example is Goldie Hawn going out to lunch in Brentwood without a bra. Unlike everywhere else, 60-year-olds think people want to see their erect nipples. They don’t. It’s kind of like why I don’t go commando in sweats. Women would probably ask, “Is that an erection?” “No sweetie, that’s just how it hangs.”

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