Keanu Reeves

As Keanu was leaving a parking space by the Los Verdes County Golf Course, his Porsche grazed a celebrity photographer who fell to the ground. The AP says paramedics were called to the scene and the photog was taken to the local hospital. The speed at which he was driving is not known. Although, he was just pulling out of a parking space so it couldn’t have been that fast.

42-year-old Keanu Reeves was not injured. And the paparazzo was probably faking it like that other guy with Lindsay Lohan. His payout depends on how good of an actor he is. Maybe he was better, maybe he wasn’t. All I’m saying is, if I see video of this guy rolling on the ground, holding his knee screaming, “Owie. Owie. Owie,” I’m going to find him and kick him in the ribs so he’ll have something to work with. They call me altruistic. Me? I just like to think I’m doing my little part in this crazy world.