Paris Hilton

Hollywood’s perennial nightclub fixture, whose whorishness is a standard no other celebutante can match, faces jail time. City prosecutors will request Paris Hilton’s probation, stemming from a reckless driving case, be revoked. The DA finds her “but I didn’t know officer” defense ridiculous and believes she positively knew about her probation.

“We’re confident we have sufficient evidence to prove that her license was suspended and that she had knowledge of that suspension,” said Nick Velasquez, a spokesman for the city attorney’s office. He declined to elaborate on the evidence, citing an ongoing investigation.

Hilton could face up to 90 days in jail if a judge finds she violated her probation, Velasquez said.

As much as I would like to see Paris come out of the slammer with a newfound appreciation of stripes, her royal highness will most likely not be locked up. Daddy Warbucks has enough money to hire a crack team of lawyers to prove her ignorance. And every lawyer in Tinsel Town has already formulated an obvious and brilliant scheme. Simply let Paris defend herself. The agitation her mouth would cause will be enough for any judge to rule in her favor and maybe even recommend a good developmental psychologist.

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