Angelina Jolie

Before flying her newly adopted son home, Angelina Jolie’s security team learned about a plot to hold Pax for $100 million ransom once they returned to the US. Life&Style says,

An insider close to the Brad Pitt and Angelina’s security team tells Life & Style that the plot was credible and meticulously planned by a deadly gang that has pulled off kidnappings and extortion plots in the past. “They’re highly skilled operatives with little regard for human life,” the insider says.

Screw that. $100 million is way too much for a kid I just met. $500? Maybe. But $100 million? You might as well tell me you kidnapped my hamster. Don’t forget to feed him alright? He’s pretty low maintenance since he came from an orphanage. His favorite food is gruel and an occasional banana if he’s been good.