Scarlett Johansson

In Sunday’s issue of Parade Magazine, Scarlett Johansson says her features aren’t entirely feminine. To her, Penelope Cruz is a much better example of the female form.

Yes, I have full lips and obviously I have no facial hair. But…take somebody like Penelope Cruz. She’s so feminine. Think about it. She has, like, long eyelashes, and to me she just looks very feminine. When I wake up in the morning and I have no makeup on, like right now, I think I look like a young boy.

That guy from Dateline is frothing at the mouth because 95% of Earth’s male population have just been outed as pedophiles. Expect a camera crew to suddenly appear out of nowhere while you sob, “I’ve never done this before. My life is over. Can I at least just finish up?”