Tom Welling

Tom Welling of “Smallville” has signed on to star in the remake of the 1985 Michael J. Fox classic “Teen Wolf”. In a time of Hollywood remakes, this comes as no big surprise, but “Teen Wolf”? With each succession of the old franchise, the films slipped into a coma of predictability and idiocy.

Ok, even though the original was dumb too, it was damn entertaining. I know some guys who’d have killed to be werewolves in high school. It would help explain away all that back hair at the tender age of 15. Their special abilities included dunking on middle-schoolers on a 7-ft rim and crying in the bathroom after an atomic wedgie so vicious it left them with a rare medical condition called “ass burn-itis”.