Mel B

Despite Eddie Murphy’s adamant claims that he is not the father of Mel B’s baby, the former Spice Girl has named the “Norbit” actor as the father on her daughter’s birth certificate. Mel B is on the warpath to prove Eddie is Fortuna Daphne Bay’s daddy and has hired a lawyer to prove his paternity. Regardless, she doesn’t want Eddie in her daughter’s life.

“She doesn’t want him involved because he has hurt her too much. She just feels that he will have to accept responsibility at some point and there was no need for him to be so dismissive of their relationship.”

Whatever you do Eddie, don’t cover the baby’s face with whiteout and claim it couldn’t be yours because you’re black. That would be ridiculous. White paint from Walmart works just as well and all you have to do is dip her into one of those big paint buckets like an ice cream bar in crunchy almonds. Takes only 30 seconds.