Spider-Man 3

A delayed production lasting months longer than anticipated will cause Sony to spend $500 million on “Spider-Man 3” making it the most expensive movie ever made.

But in the end, even the most hyperbolic of observers may have underestimated the final tab. Industry insiders claim that Sony spent $350 million or more on production alone. With marketing and promotion factored in, the total price tag will approach half a billion dollars–positioning Spider-Man 3 as the most expensive movie of all time. (Cleopatra, the 1963 epic that has long held the title of priciest picture, had an inflation-adjusted budget of $290 million.)

To recoup their losses, “Spider-Man 4” will be filmed in my backyard and consist of me swinging my Spider-Man action figure through the trees fighting invisible evil-doers like pollution and global warming. Since that can only go on for so long, there will also be some footage of me playing with a puppy. Cutest movie ever? Cutest. Movie. Ever.